"Bitterness"

Why is bitterness a sin? Is it EVEN a sin? Not necessarily! Let's consider Naomi in the Old Testament book of Ruth.

Naomi's husband had been dead for 10 years, then suddenly both her sons died in what appears to be a short period of time. She felt that the God of Israel had turned his hand against her (how many of us remember leaving the ICoC, feeling as if God had played some kind of cruel joke on us? Feeling that God had turned his hand against us?) Anyway, Naomi found herself left alone (for all practical purposes) in a strange land, with no one but a couple of "pagan Moabite" daughters-in-law. At first, it appears that Naomi expected to undertake the journey to Bethelehem alone (Ruth 1:11-13). But in spite of her decision to leave, she is granted some grace in the fact that Ruth is determined to stay with her.

Consider the following:

1. Isn't it strange that Naomi's bitterness did not affect Ruth's decision to turn to the God of Israel? Isn't it strange that Naomi's bitterness didn't affect Ruth's decision to go with Naomi? What does this say to you about the nature of relationships, and more specifically, about the nature of bitterness?

2. Orpah, though she decided to stay in Moab, was still able to find kindness in her heart toward her bitter mother-in-law (Ruth 1:14). What does this say to you about the nature of relationships?

3. If bitterness is such a terrible sin, isn't it strange that God does not show in the book of Ruth even one person rebuking [tm] Naomi for it? Isn't it strange that God doesn't visit some terrible punishment upon Naomi for her bitterness? What does this say to you about the nature of relationships, and more importantly, about the nature of God?

Well, "poor, pitiful, bitter" Naomi -- all she could do is just get herself back to Bethlehem and go about the business of getting herself settled into a new place. Isn't it strange that though no mention is made of her praying, fasting, or engaging in other repentance-promoting activities over her "bitterness," the God of Israel still chooses to make sure Naomi's needs are met? (Ruth 2:18; Ruth 3:15-18; Ruth 4:9)

And isn't it strange that in spite of Naomi's bitterness, Ruth was still "open" to accepting "advice" from Naomi? (Ruth 2:1-3; Ruth 2:19-23; Ruth 3:1-5).

It's all very interesting, indeed.

Few accounts in the Bible have affected me more deeply than looking at the lives of Ruth and Naomi. In so many ways, we (especially if you are a woman) can relate to and understand a Higher Power's loving care for us through their story. Here, the God of Israel shows himself to be a truly gracious and merciful God, so unlike the mean, nasty, score-keeping bean-counter to whom the ICoC introduced us. This God could have kicked Naomi to the curb for her "sin" of bitterness, but he did not: instead, he brought her out of a place which held some bad memories and could no longer meet her needs, into a place where her needs could be met. (Ruth 4:14-22). I believe the God of Israel honored Naomi's brutal honesty with herself and others, and honored her decision to "move on" -- picking up and heading to Bethlehem so soon after her bereavment certainly wasn't the most comfortable thing she could have done. Even today, the "experts" say not to make any major life changes for at least a year after a death or other major emotional upheaval.

My following statement contains a *bunch* of symbolism where the ICoC is concerned -- see if you can pick up the symbols!

"I believe that being in the ICoC is like living in Moab. Maybe you perceived a famine in Israel, and decided to head for Moab, looking for food. Things were ok in Moab for a while, maybe great, maybe not so great, but you had your reasons for staying in Moab. Yet, a time may come when, like Naomi, you lose (by whatever means) some relationships that are dear to you and you decide it's time to leave Moab. Leaving Moab is hard because Moab seemed OK for a while. Moab seemed safe, secure, and you didn't have to think too much about what the next day would bring forth -- until your loss threw you for a loop.

Like Naomi, chances are that if you are in a similar position, are you will spend some time feeling bitter about what you've lost. IT'S NORMAL. Surely Naomi knew she would miss her friends in Moab, and even more, that she would miss her husband and sons until the end of her days -- but after they died, Naomi also apparently knew on a gut level that Moab was no longer where she belonged. And consider how, when Naomi got back to Bethlehem, people remembered her and were kind to her. They didn't hold it against her that she'd left Israel in the first place."

He who has ears to hear, let him hear.

I think that being honest with others, yourself, and your Higher Power about how you're feeling gives that Higher Power some raw material to work with (sure he/she/it could just wave his hand and "fix" you, but would that really be beneficial?) Let your Higher Power bring you to a place where he/she/it can not only meet your needs but also "fill your cup to overflowing" as the God of Israel did for Naomi (Ruth 4:14-17). It will take some time for you to heal, but it will happen. Don't fight the process -- don't turn away from your emotions, no matter how negative they seem. Experience them, express them, and then let them go. If you wish, express these emotions to someone you trust not to freak out on you -- or perhaps even better, just cry them out to your Higher Power. Whatever you do, it is enough.

If there's something special which has helped you as an ex-member or ex-recruit to "move past" your ICoC experience, I invite you to share it with me. I might be moved to publish your ideas on this page (but I would secure your permission first).